Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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