I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
