I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
