it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
