News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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