i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
