Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
