what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
