Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
