i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
