I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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