just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
