I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
