I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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