Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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