roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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