I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
