So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
