remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
