i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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