She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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