You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
