I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
