this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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