Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
