I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
