Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
