A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
