What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
