I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
