dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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