You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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