May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was confusing and full of hummus
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
