the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
