In the future we'll all be gay
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
