I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
