My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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