There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
