Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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