do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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