don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize