Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
