I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
