Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize