i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
