Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
