My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i now understand why vodka
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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