fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
