the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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