He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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