walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
