just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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