Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
