I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
