i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
