I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my nose is crying tears of wow.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
