My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
