you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
