I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
