I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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