I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
